THE INKWELL SOUL

Author: Elizabeth

  • Longing For Rest

  • The Silent Watcher

    The cacophony of the mind is a relentless orchestra, a symphony of anxieties, judgments, and echoes of past hurts. It’s a crowded marketplace where every vendor screams for attention, each offering a different version of “you”. And in that clamor, it’s easy to mistake the noise for your very essence.

    Eckhart Tolle’s words, a quiet whisper in the storm, offer a different perspective: “Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.”

    It’s a radical shift, a call to step outside the swirling vortex of our mental narratives. To become the observer, not the protagonist, of our internal drama. To recognize that the thoughts that parade through our minds, the behaviors we enact, are not us, but rather fleeting phenomena, like clouds drifting across the vast expanse of the sky.

    This “silent watcher” is not a judge, nor a critic. It is the awareness that simply is, the still point in the turning world. It is the space between the thoughts, the pause before the reaction. It is the quiet understanding that beneath the surface turbulence, there lies a deep, unwavering stillness.

    The pain, the heartbreak, the sense of betrayal – these are real, and they demand to be felt. But they are not the totality of your being. They are temporary visitors, storms that rage and then subside, leaving behind a clearer sky. Beneath the pain, like a hidden spring, flows the pure, unadulterated essence of love and joy.

    To live by this is not a passive acceptance of suffering. It is an active practice of dis-identification. It’s the daily, sometimes hourly, reminder that you are not your thoughts, your emotions, your circumstances. You are the vast, silent awareness that holds them all.

    Imagine yourself as a clear, still pond. The thoughts and emotions are ripples on the surface, disturbing the calm. But the pond itself remains unchanged, deep and serene. The practice is to return to that stillness, to anchor yourself in the awareness that underlies the ever-changing surface.

    This is not a quick fix, nor a magic formula. It is a journey of self-discovery, a gradual unveiling of the truth that lies within. It’s a process of learning to recognize the mental noise for what it is – just noise – and to find the quiet strength that resides in the stillness beneath.

    With each moment of conscious awareness, with each breath taken in the present, you reclaim your power. You step out of the illusion of the mind and into the reality of your being. You discover that you are not defined by the pain, but by the love and joy that reside within, waiting to be rediscovered. You are the silent watcher, the stillness, the love, and the joy. And that, is your true enduring self.

  • Dating in Your 50’s: The Struggle is Real

    Dating in your 50’s. It’s not for the faint of heart, is it? It’s like trying to navigate a funhouse maze in the dark, with the added bonus of wondering if the person at the other end is actually a cardboard cutout with surprisingly good grammar. It’s less “meet-cute” and more “meet-cringe”, isn’t it? We’ve traded stolen glances across crowded rooms for swiping left or right on faces that may not belong to the person in the profile.

    Remember the thrill of meeting someone organically? The nervous excitement of a first encounter where you could gauge their vibe, their real vibe, not the curated, filtered version? There was a certain realness to it, a tangible connection before you even exchanged numbers. We met people at concerts, at classes, through friends… there was a tangible, human element to it. Now, we’re navigating a minefield of pixels and promises, trying to decipher if “outdoorsy” means “owns a tent” or “watches nature documentaries on Netflix.” It’s all swipes and super-likes, a digital cattle call where you’re simultaneously the buyer and the questionable merchandise.

    And let’s talk about the profiles, shall we? “Seeking my soulmate” (aren’t we all?), “Adventurous spirit” (translation: once went zip lining on vacation), “Looking for my partner in crime” (which, let’s be honest, could mean anything from one night flings to actual, you know, CRIME). Oh, and the ever-present “Good sense of humor” (which is highly subjective). You read them and think, “Wow, he sounds perfect!” You hit that little heart button, that virtual beacon of hope… and then, crickets. He’s witty, intelligent and his photos aren’t taken in the bathroom mirror. You send a message, a carefully crafted masterpiece of conventional charm. And then… silence. It’s like sending a message into the abyss, only to be met with the deafening silence of unrequited algorithms.

    Then, against all odds, you match with someone who seems promising. He’s kind, funny and seems genuinely interested. The conversation flows, the banter is witty, and you find yourself actually looking forward to checking your phone. It all flows like a well aged Merlot. But then the universe throws you a curve ball: He lives in “Upper Bumblefrack” which is approximately 300 miles and 3 time zones away!

    Ah, yes, the long-distance dilemma. We’re not in our 20’s anymore, ready to pack a bag and chase after infatuation. We’ve got our routines, roots, responsibilities, our homes, and our favorite side of the bed. The thought of packing it all up and starting over is… daunting. Is love worth a new zip code? Sometimes, maybe. The thought of uprooting our lives for a maybe, a what-if, is enough to make anyone reach for a bottle of wine and a good friend.

    It’s a lot. It’s frustrating, it’s funny, it’s occasionally heartbreaking, and it’s definitely an adventure. We’re a generation of strong, vibrant, and fabulous people who know what we want (mostly), and we’re not afraid to go out there and (try to) find it. We’re not going to settle for anything less than we deserve. So, we’ll keep swiping, keep messaging, keep laughing, and keep navigating this crazy, mixed-up world of 50-something dating.

    Keep holding out hope that somewhere out there, amidst the digital chaos, is someone who’s looking for the same thing we are: a real connection, a genuine partnership, and maybe, just maybe, someone who knows the difference between “your” and “you’re”.

  • A Poem: Heartbeat

    Words like fireflies,
    Dancing in the dusk,
    A whispered question,
    “Are you showing up?”

    Ink bleeds a map,
    Across the soul’s terrain,
    “Do you have the energy?”
    Echoes in the rain.

    But a spark ignites,
    “Do something, every day,”
    A seedling’s struggle,
    Reaching for the ray.

    “Don’t force the spirit,
    It’s already within,”
    A wildflower blooming,
    Where the light has been.

    “The land is in you,”
    A mantra, soft and low,
    Mountains of longing,
    Rivers where tears flow.

    “Embrace the wild heart,”
    The wolf’s howl in the night,
    Ancient rhythms beating,
    In the pale moonlight.

    “Home is in your heart,”
    A sanctuary’s embrace,
    Where the weary soul finds,
    A quiet, resting place.

    Turmoil may bury,
    The land’s heartbeat deep,
    But awakening echoes,
    Stirring from its sleep.

    A giant remembers,
    The pulse of the earth,
    The stars ancient rhythm,
    A glorious rebirth.

    No resurrection needed,
    Just a rekindled flame,
    Coming alive, truly,
    Utterly, without shame.

  • Old Film Reels

    The phantom limb of friendship. It’s a strange, aching kind of loss, this severance from people who are still very much alive. Not a death, but a quiet, slow fading. A ghosting without the dramatic exit. They exist, somewhere out there, breathing, laughing, living, but no longer within the orbit of my daily existence.

    I find myself sometimes, unexpectedly, reaching for them in the recesses of my memory. A shared joke, a late-night conversation, a road trip with the windows down and the music blaring – these moments, once vibrant and present, now flicker like old film reels. They hold a warmth, a nostalgia, a bittersweet ache that reminds me of what was.

    The reasons for this drift are varied, a tapestry woven with threads of distance, divergent paths, and slow, insidious erosion of time. Sometimes, it’s the physical distance that stretches between us, making casual connection a logistical challenge. Sometimes, it’s the subtle shifts in our inner landscapes, the widening gulf of differing perspectives, the quiet divergence of political or emotional landscapes that create an unbridgeable chasm.

    There’s a strange kind of grief in knowing that the person I knew, the person I shared those moments with, may no longer exist in the same way. We all change, evolve, reshape ourselves with the passing years. The shared history, the common language we once spoke, becomes a relic of a past version of ourselves.

    I wonder if they think of me too, occasionally. Do they stumble upon a memory, a shared song, a familiar scent, and feel that same pang of recognition? Do they also grapple with the understanding that the “us” we were is now a phantom, a whisper of what once was?

    There’s a temptation to assign blame, to dissect the “what if’s” and “could have beens” to search for the precise moment the thread began to fray. But ultimately, I find more peace in acceptance. Life is a river, constantly flowing, carrying us along its currents. Some people walk alongside us for a stretch, their presence a bright, comforting constant. Others are fleeting glimpses, figures on the riverbank, waving as we pass.

    I choose to hold onto the good, the shared joy, the lessons learned. I choose to honor the space they occupied in my life, even if the space is now filled with the quiet echo of their absence. They remain a part of my story, a chapter written in the vibrant ink of shared experience. And perhaps, in some distant future, our paths might converge again, not to recreate the past, but to acknowledge the shared history, to recognize the echoes of what once was, and to find a new way to connect, if only for a brief, fleeting moment, across the vast expanse of time and change.

  • The Hibernation is Over

    The words shimmer on the page, like fireflies dancing in the twilight. Words, scrawled in a hand that knows the weight of both joy and weariness, ripple across the lined page. “Are you showing up for what matters to you?” the question echoes, a whisper carried on the rustling of unseen wings.

    I trace the letters with my fingertips, feeling the faint indentations left by the pen. It’s not just ink on paper, but a map, a constellation etched in the night sky of the soul. “Do you not have the energy to fire up your passion?” The words are a mirror, reflecting the weariness that clings like cobwebs, the dreams dimmed by the dust of daily living.

    But then, a spark. “The most important thing is to make sure you do something each and every day.” Not grand gestures, not feats of impossible strength, but the simple act of showing up. Like a seedling pushing through cracked earth, a single green shoot reaching for the sun.

    “Do not force yourself to be spiritual. Your life is already a path of connection.” The words bloom, a sudden burst of wildflowers in a forgotten meadow. The spirit isn’t something to be wrestled into submission, but a breath already within, a current flowing through the veins, connecting us to the earth, to the sky, to the vast, shimmering mystery of existence.

    “The spirit and the land is already embedded in yourself.” I close my eyes, and the words become a chant, a mantra echoing in the chambers of my heart. The land, not just the soil beneath my feet, but the landscape of my being, the mountains of my hopes, the rivers of my tears. It’s all woven together, a tapestry of starlight and shadow.

    “Showing up matters, connect with our wild and untamed heart.” The wildness isn’t chaos, but the untamed beauty of a storm-tossed sea, the raw power of a wolf’s howl under silver moon. It’s the part of us that remembers the ancient rhythms, the primal connection to the earth’s heartbeat.

    “Your home is in your heart.” A sigh escapes my lips, a release of tension held too long. Home isn’t a place, but a feeling, a sanctuary within, a quiet space where the soul can rest and renew.

    “Because of the turmoil in our life, there is something that often hibernates within us, which is the heartbeat of the land, the pure ancient beat once heard, feels like coming alive.” The words shimmer, imbued with a magic that transcends language. The hibernation is over. The slumbering giant within stirs, stretching its limbs, yawning with the force of creation.

    The ancient beat, the pulse of the earth, the rhythm of the stars, its all awakening. It’s not a resurrection, but a remembering, a rekindling of the flame that has always burned within. And in that awakening, in that remembering, there is a sense of coming alive, a feeling of being truly, utterly, and gloriously home.

  • Say No Words

    The silence speaks volumes, a language understood not by the ear, but by the heart. To ask for reassurance, yet to crave the absence of sound, is to seek solace in pure presence. “Tell me I will be ok, but say no words” – the yearning for comfort without the fragility of spoken promises. Perhaps words feel insufficient, prone to breaking under the weight of unspoken anxieties.

    To have one’s heart held safely in silence is a profound intimacy. No declarations needed, just the gentle, unwavering embrace of another’s care. “Hold my heart safely, but say no words” – a desire for a sanctuary built on trust, where vulnerability is met with quiet strength.

    Fears, those shadowy companions, often thrive in the echo chamber of our minds. To wish them kissed away in silence is to seek a balm that transcends verbal remedies. “Kiss away my fears, but say no words” – a longing for a touch that soothes the unseen wounds, a connection that whispers peace without uttering a sound.

    When the spirit feels fractured, words can sometimes feel like shards themselves, adding to the pain. “Hug tightly my broken spirit, but say no words” – the need for a closeness that mends through warmth and unwavering physical support, a silent acknowledgment of the fragility within.

    And finally, the deepest connection: “Touch my soul, but say no words.” This is a plea for understanding that goes beyond the surface, a communion that resonates in the quiet spaces between breaths. Its is a recognition that some truths are too profound for language, felt only in the silent meeting of spirits.

    These desires speak to a longing for a connection that transcends the limitations of language. A longing for the power of presence, touch, and the unspoken understanding that can bind two hearts together in moments of vulnerability. It is in the quiet space that true comfort and healing might be found.

  • The Resounding Roar

    The mirror reflected a fractured portrait: a girl, then a woman, pieced together from shards of stolen moments. Thirteen, the touch that burned like frost, a violation masked as a lesson. Eighteen, the tearing, the silence, a body betrayed in the dead of night. Then, the years that followed, a cage built of words and fists, a constant chipping away at the fragile sculpture of self.

    They told her, her worth was currency, minted in the curve of a hip, the downcast flutter of an eye. Submissive, they whispered, a virtue draped in chains. But the chains bit deep, leaving welts, that bloomed into bitter shame. The body, once a playground of childhood dreams, became a battlefield, a site of invasion. Every glance, every touch, a potential trigger, a phantom echo of past horrors.

    The world blurred, edges softened by a haze of fear. Decisions became minefields, each step a gamble. Trust, a word that tasted like ash, a promise broken too many times. Relationships, a tightrope walk over a chasm of anxiety, the fear of falling, of being consumed again, always lurking.

    The mind, a labyrinth of shadows, where whispers of self-blame echoed endlessly. “You asked for it. You deserved it. You are nothing.” The voice, once a melody of laughter, now a choked sob, trapped in the throat. Art became a refuge, a canvas smeared with the colors of pain, a song sung in the minor key of survival. Words, spilled onto paper, a desperate attempt to reclaim a narrative stolen by others.

    Yet, amidst the ruins, a flicker of defiance. A stubborn, fragile spark that refused to be extinguished. The eyes, once downcast, began to rise, to meet the world with a defiant stare. The body, scarred but unbroken, began to move with a newfound strength, a silent declaration of resilience.

    For within the fractured self, a battle raged. The lies, the whispers of worthlessness, clashed against the deep, primal instinct to survive, to reclaim dignity. The path to healing, a treacherous climb, a journey through the wreckage of trauma. But with each step, a new truth emerged: worth was not a commodity to be bartered, but an inherent birthright, a flame that could not be extinguished. The battleground within, a place where the echoes of pain were solely being replaced by the resounding roar of self-acceptance.

    by Elizabeth Proett

  • Why I Write

    I don’t write about sad things or emotional happenings because I am feeling sorry for myself and want sympathy. Writing is a powerful and multifaceted tool for me, a way to engage with my life experiences and forge a path forward.

    I write about a variety of emotions and topics because it is helping me heal. This is not a wallowing exercise, but a way to process complex emotions and experiences. By putting my thoughts and feelings onto paper (or screen) allows me to externalize them, creating a distance that can offer perspective. It’s like taking the swirling storm inside and giving it a tangible form I can observe and understand.

    As a once widowed, divorced, middle aged woman, who has made bad choices, has battled cancer, is an emotional wreck at times and even has a guarded heart at the same time being too open, I am learning how to navigate life!!! By writing about my journey, I am actively shaping the narrative of my life. This narrative is not about victimhood, but about resilience, learning, and growth. I am finding meaning in my experiences by weaving them into a larger story of self-discovery.

    I write to heal. I write to expand my thoughts. I write to grow, inward and outward. I am not shying away from the complexities of my emotional landscape in hopes of fostering self-awareness. Writing encourages introspection and reflection. It is almost like having a conversation with myself on ‘paper’. It helps me to see patterns, identify triggers, and ultimately make more sense of my journey.

    Writing is a powerful way to find and cultivate my voice. This is a dynamic process of self-exploration, emotional processing, and personal growth. It’s a testament and an active engagement in navigating the complexities of life as a middle-aged woman with a rich and evolving history.

  • A Poem: Exposed Lines

    Unseen, I whisper, a ghost in the sunlit room,
    words like smoke, curling, lost in the hum.
    They laugh, they talk, a vibrant, woven sound,
    while my own voice, a seed, falls on barren ground.

    Eyes glaze, a polite, distracted stare,
    a phantom touch, a breath of empty air.
    I paint my soul in ink, in raw, exposed lines,
    a canvas bleeding truth, where no one aligns.

    They know my name, my face, the shape of my days,
    but the heart beneath, a maze of hidden ways,
    remains uncharted, a silent, shadowed land,
    where feelings bloom, and whither, unplanned.

    I offer stories, fragments of my core,
    a trembling hand that reaches for the door,
    but the door stays shut, a barrier of glass,
    a silent judgement, moments that won’t pass.

    Do they not see the tremor in my hand?
    The silent scream, unheard, misunderstood, unplanned?
    The ache to be known, the longing to be seen,
    a fragile echo, lost in the in-between.

    I write, I bleed, I pour myself onto the page,
    a desperate plea, a prisoner in a cage.
    And hope, a fragile bird, takes flight and then,
    returns, wings clipped, unseen, again.

    By Elizabeth Proett