THE INKWELL SOUL

Tag: #bepresent

  • The Art of Shutting Up

    I recently stumbled across a quote that hit me like a cold splash of water to the face. It asked : When was the last time you really listened – not just waiting for your turn to talk, or rehearsing what you’ll say next? My immediate, knee-jerk internal reaction? “Oh, I have a great point to make about that!”

    And there is it was. The irony. I was literally “rehearsing my reply” to a quote about how I shouldn’t be rehearsing my reply.

    It made me realize that for a long time, I haven’t been having conversations; I’ve been conducting tactical maneuvers. I’ve realized that most of us (myself very much included) don’t actually listen. We reload. While the other person is talking, we’re back in the kitchen of our minds, chopping up our own clever anecdotes, seasoning our counter-arguments, and waiting for that split-second gap in their breathing so we can serve our masterpiece.

    It’s exhausting. And honestly? It’s why so many of my “connections” have felt about as deep as a parking lot puddle.

    We have this frantic, itchy need to be the “fixer.” When a friend starts venting about their boss or their partner, my brain immediately shifts into IT-Support mode. I start building a three-point plan to solve their life. But I’ve come to realize that “fixing” is often just a polite way of saying, “Your discomfort is making me uncomfortable, so I’m going to give you a solution so we can talk about something happier.” True listening, the kind that actually builds trust, feels a lot more like holding a heavy box for someone. You don’t try to unpack it or tell them it’s not that heavy. You just stand there and hold it with them until they’re ready to put it down.

    I’ve been trying to experiment with this lately, and let me tell you – it’s awkward. There’s this thing called the “pregnant pause” that feels about ten years long when you’re used to constant chatter. But I’ve noticed something wild: when I resist the urge to jump in with a “Me too!” or a “You should try this” and I just… stay there? The other person usually sighs and says the real thing. The thing they were actually worried about. The stuff that was hiding behind the first layer of words.

    I’m learning to embrace the “W.A.I.T.” acronym: Why Am I Talking? It’s a humbling question to ask yourself mid-sentence. Usually, the answer is “to sound smart” or “to stop the silence.” Rarely is the answer “because this is absolutely vital for them to hear.”

    My goal now isn’t to be the most interesting person in the room, but the most present one. I want to be a vessel, not a megaphone. It means quieting the internal chatter, letting the “perfect” comeback die in my throat, and just being there. Because at the end of the day, people don’t really need my “brilliant” advice. They just need to know that for five minutes, they weren’t alone in the room.

  • The Quiet Strength in the Fog

    Strength, we often mistakenly believe, is a fortress impervious to the storms. We picture a stoic figure, unyielding and untouched by the harsh winds of life. But true strength, the kind that anchors us through the deepest gales, is not the absence of difficulty. It is the ability to bend without breaking, to absorb the impact and still find the resilience to rise again.

    Life, in its unpredictable wisdom, throws us into the thick of it. Health falters, relationships shift, dreams dissolve like morning mist. These are not signs of weakness on our part, but the inherent nature of existence – a constant flux, a dance between order and chaos. In these moments, the urge to fight, to push back against the discomfort, can be overwhelming. We crave clarity, a roadmap out of the uncertainty. But sometimes, the most profound act of strength is not to struggle against the unknown, but to sit with it.

    This “sitting” is not passive resignation. It is an active engagement. It is allowing the uncertainty to be, without the frantic need to resolve it immediately. It is breathing through the anxiety, acknowledging the fear, and trusting in the inherent process of life. The fog of confusion, of grief, of transition, can feel suffocating. Our minds race, trying to find answers where none are readily available. But like a natural fog, this mental and emotional haze will eventually dissipate. It requires patience, a willingness to be in the murkiness, knowing that clarity often emerges not through force, but through gentle persistence and the passage of time.

    There’s a poignant truth in the statement: “We can only measure what we lose, but cannot measure what we will gain.” Loss is tangible. We can count the empty chairs, the silent phone, the diminished health. The pain of what is gone is immediate and measurable. But the gains that arise from these experiences are often intangible, unfolding in ways we cannot predict. The resilience we build through hardship, the deeper empathy we cultivate through loss, the unexpected opportunities that emerge from closed doors – these are immeasurable at the moment of suffering. To focus solely on what we have lost is to limit our vision, to blind ourselves to the potential for growth and transformation that lies within the very challenges we face.

    This brings us to the profound question: “Do we have to die to see heaven?” If we equate “heaven” with a state of ultimate peace, joy, and understanding, then idea of it being solely an afterlife destination feels limiting. Perhaps “heaven” is not a place we arrive at after death, but a state of being we can cultivate within ourselves, even amidst the complexities of life.

    The struggles we endure, the uncertainties we navigate, the losses we grieve – these can be the very crucibles that forge our inner “heaven”. By sitting with discomfort, by embracing the unknown, by finding strength not in the absence of difficulty but in our response to it, we begin to glimpse moments of profound peace and clarity. These moments might be fleeting, but they offer a taste of that deeper understanding, that sense of connection and meaning that we often associate with a heavenly realm.

    Perhaps the “heaven” we seek is not the destination beyond the veil, but a state of inner grace attained through the conscious navigation of our earthly journey. It is the ability to find beauty in the brokenness, strength in vulnerability and hope in the face of despair. It is the wisdom gained by allowing the fog to clear on its own time, trusting that even in the darkest moments, the potential for profound growth and unexpected blessings remains, immeasurably yet undeniably present. We don’t necessarily need to die to experience a form of heaven; we need to learn how to truly live, with all its uncertainties and challenges, and find the quiet strength within to embrace it all.