Tag: #blessings

  • Shovels Down, Spirits Up: A Snow Day Blessing

    The thermometer was doing its best impression of a single digit, and the sky was the color of old cement. Outside, our mile-long world was a pristine, drifted fortress, and its drawbridge – our driveway – was sealed shut.

    It started with a grumble and the scrape-scrape-THUMP of the shovel on the deck. Being the only house on the mile means we’re either the shovelers or the snow angles are just going to have to wait for the mail. The cold dug into my bones, chased by a few choice words aimed squarely at the flat side by side tire that refused to cooperate. This time of year always brings that peculiar mix of memory: the quiet joy of a daughter’s birth, shadowed by the ache of her father’s passing, all wrapped up in a blanket of winter white.

    But there’s work to be done. Soon, my snow-fighting sidekick was out, tackling the garage doors with the focus only a teenager facing frozen obstacles can muster. We worked in a chilly rhythm, pushing, lifting, and swearing (mostly me) until a strange warmth began to bloom. It felt good. A deep, satisfying sweat. A reminder that my body is still a machine, capable and strong. “This disease,” I muttered to the sky, “does not have me.”

    The last of the heavy snow near the road gave way, and the moment the work was done, the shift happened. My daughter – my glorious snow baby – didn’t walk away . She threw her shovel down like a mic drop and launched herself into the nearest, fluffiest ditch-drift.

    Her laughter – bright, and utterly carefree – was a magnet. One second I was the weary adult, the next I was rolling myself backward into the snowbank like a runaway toddler. Two grown-up bodies acting like total fools, laughing until the single-digit cold was completely forgotten. It was a pure, simple, physical joy reset.

    That moment, the one where the burden of the chore vanished and we were just two playful souls surrounded by quiet, white beauty, is the one I’ll bottle up and keep forever. The memory I want to hold: that the hardest work always earns the most ridiculous, heart-swelling fun.

    And then, the cherry on top of our perfect, gritty, snowy day: a brief visit from Grandpa, who brought the holy grail of midwest comfort food – kolaches. Warm, sweet, and delivered by a loving hand.

    Some days are measured in accomplishments – a clean driveway, an un-drifted mailbox. Other days are measured in moments: a blast of laughter, a shared sugary treat, and the profound realization that our blessings arrive in the most unexpected, snow-covered ways. What a perfect, unforgettable day.

  • The Weight of My Coin

    I am, indeed, the coin, holding within me the intricate dance of joy and sorrow, of profound connection and devastating absence. My life has been rich with different kinds of love, each right for the season it occupied. I’ve known partnership and companionship in marriages, and I honor those experiences and the unique love they brought into my life.

    In 2006, one side of my coin shimmered with an unbearable brightness: the discovery of my soulmate. This was a love so deep, so profound, it surely felt like destiny – a connection unlike any I had known. Those two years of marriage, though tragically brief, imprinted an experience of love that many only dream of. That was the blessing, the side of the coin etched with an exquisite beauty.

    Then, in 2009, the coin flipped with a force that shattered my world. The other side revealed itself, stark

    and brutal – the sudden, unthinkable loss that stripped away not just my husband, but a piece of my very being. That was the suffering, the profound grief that lingered long after the immediate shock faded. I bore witness to life’s capacity for both immeasurable gift and excruciating theft, all within the span of a few years.

    Now, as I navigate the dating world, a cancer survivor with the ghost of a potential recurrence whispering in the background, I feel the weight of that same coin in a new, acutely personal way. I carry the memory of that extraordinary love, a testament to my capacity for deep connection. This is the enduring strength, the resilience, the understanding of what truly profound intimacy feels like.

    Yet, alongside this richness, there’s the palpable fear of history repeating itself, not just for me, but for those I might allow into my heart. I’ve lived through the agony of losing the love of my life, and that pain was unbearable. The thought of inviting someone new into my world, only for them to potentially experience that same devastating loss if my cancer were to return and take me…. it’s a burden I honestly struggle with. How can I ask someone to risk that kind of heartbreak? How can I knowingly put them through the watching, the hoping, the ultimate grief, when I know precisely how soul-crushing that experience is? It’s a deeply protective instinct, this reluctance to inflict potential pain on another, especially when I’ve felt its full force myself.

    And yet, despite this overwhelming concern, I still yearn for it – that profound, all-consuming love again. The blessing of experiencing it once has shown me what’s possible, what truly enriches life. This isn’t a simple “two sides” scenario; it’s a dynamic, ever-present reality. My coin spins, sometimes showing the vibrant imprint of love found, sometimes the stark emptiness of love lost, and now, the profound vulnerability of daring to love again while acknowledging life’s inherent fragility. I am holding both sides of that coin, longing for connection while grappling with the very real cost it might exact on the heart of another.

  • Mornings

    I enjoy early mornings. The fact that I was given another day to live is always a blessing. My mornings are a time where I reflect on my life’s experiences. Memories play out in my mind. As I sip my coffee I enjoy its bold flavor…warming me as it travels down to my stomach. The kitties come over to me to say good morning, one by one. A smile crosses my lips… so soft… such innocent little creatures. My ears perk up as I hear the dog sleeping under the table next to me. He has the cutest little snore. The birds are happily chirping outside… building nests, feeding babies and gossiping I am sure! I breathe. Just being in the moment is a blessing. As I take it all in, a little smile crosses my face. My shoulders relax and I … just … am. This is peace. This is hope. This is love.

    Mornings Embrace The quiet arrives with the dawn, another day, a whispered gift, I settle, coffee’s dark richness a warmth spreading inside. Memories unfold, a gentle film of a life lived, played out in the soft light. One by one, cats greet the new day, their small bodies brushing mine, innocence in their purrs, a smile blossoming on my face. Beneath the table, a soft, rhythmic snore from the dog, a comforting hum. Outside, the birds begin their chorus – chirping, building, nurturing, their secrets carried on the breeze. A deep breath in, a quiet exhale. Just in the moment. This stillness. Shoulders release their hold. A simple being. This is peace. This is hope. This is love.