Tag: #grief

  • The Loss of Gravity

    We rarely spend our days thinking about the invisible force keeping our feet pressed to the earth. Gravity is the silent, faithful companion of our existence, holding the oceans in their basins, wrapping the atmosphere gently around the globe, and anchoring us to the dirt beneath our boots. It is so constant that we only contemplate its presence when we are forced to imagine its absence. To lose gravity, even for a few terrifying seconds, would mean the immediate scattering of everything we know. The atmosphere would drift into the quiet vacuum of space, the waters would rise in disorienting, floating giants, and the very ground beneath us would begin to fracture and pull apart.

    There is a striking parallel between this physical catastrophe and the emotional wreckage of deep grief or pain. In life, we build our own personal gravity out of routines, the people and pets we love, the homes we cultivate, and the quiet expectations we hold for tomorrow. These are the anchors that keep us stable, allowing us to walk through the world with a sense of security. But when a sudden loss, a heartbreak, or a profound disappointment strikes, it feels as though the emotional physics of our universe have instantly shattered. In a single, breathless moment, our gravity is switched off, and we are thrown into a terrifying state of weightlessness.

    This emotional weightlessness is one of the most disorienting sensations a human can endure. Suddenly, up and down lose all meaning, and the ground you trusted to support you simply vanishes. You look around and see the rest of the world moving about their day, firmly pinned to their normal routines, while you feel completely untethered, drifting further and further into a cold, quiet void. It is a lonely, floating isolation where you are physically present but entirely disconnected from the rhythm of life going on around you.

    Just as a physical loss of gravity would cause the earth to pull apart, internal pain makes us feel as though we are physically fracturing. Without that stabilizing pressure keeping us together, our thoughts, our identity, and our emotions seem to scatter in a million different directions. It becomes difficult to breathe, as if the very air has been swept out of reach. We gasp for bearings in a space that suddenly feels entirely empty, wondering how we will ever gather the pieces of ourselves back into a cohesive whole.

    Healing from this kind of pain is not a matter of simply snapping our fingers to turn the old gravity back on. The old anchor is gone, and we cannot force the universe to return to the way it was. Instead, surviving the weightlessness requires a slow, quiet process of gathering new mass. We start by clinging to the smallest, heaviest things we can find – the warmth of a morning cup of coffee, the steady rhythm of a long walk, the tactile comfort of working with our hands, or the quiet presence of those who love us.

    Slowly, these tiny moments of survival begin to accumulate. They gather weight, creating their own small, gentle pull. Over time, these fragments of beauty and routine build a brand-new gravity. It will not look like the old landscape, and we will always carry the memory of the time we drifted in the dark, but eventually, the scattering stops. The pieces settle, the air returns to our lungs, and we find ourselves standing, once again, on solid ground.

  • I Don’t Dare

    I swallow the storm and lock the windows tight, terrified that if I open my mouth to speak the heavy truths of this life, the words will somehow take root in the soil and multiply the wreckage threefold. I have been taught that energy is a current that obeys the call, so I hold my breath, pretending the silence is a shield, keeping a lid on the bitter ash of those who came only to take and the distant grief of one I cannot fix. I play the anchor for everyone else while my own marrow thins, while my arm throbs with the quiet, exhausting war my body is fighting against the thief inside me. I watch the illuminated happiness of friends from the shadows of my own quiet room, aching for a heavy, protective embrace, a simple heartbeat to ground my tired bones, yet I keep the longing locked away in the dark, paralyzing my own voice out of a desperate survival instinct – convinced that to give this pain a name is to give it a permanent home. But a quiet,vital truth is breaking through the silence: giving breath to this grief is not an act of creation, but one of evacuation. To speak these words is not to plant a seed of negativity, but to clear out the stagnant weight of a house that has been sealed too long, acknowledging that energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed. Manifestation thrives on intention and focus, but this is a release, a necessary emptying of the lungs that converts raw pain into poetry, proving that I can speak the dark aloud without making it permanent, and that naming the storm is the only way to finally let it pass through me.