THE INKWELL SOUL

Tag: #journey

  • The Silent Watcher

    The cacophony of the mind is a relentless orchestra, a symphony of anxieties, judgments, and echoes of past hurts. It’s a crowded marketplace where every vendor screams for attention, each offering a different version of “you”. And in that clamor, it’s easy to mistake the noise for your very essence.

    Eckhart Tolle’s words, a quiet whisper in the storm, offer a different perspective: “Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.”

    It’s a radical shift, a call to step outside the swirling vortex of our mental narratives. To become the observer, not the protagonist, of our internal drama. To recognize that the thoughts that parade through our minds, the behaviors we enact, are not us, but rather fleeting phenomena, like clouds drifting across the vast expanse of the sky.

    This “silent watcher” is not a judge, nor a critic. It is the awareness that simply is, the still point in the turning world. It is the space between the thoughts, the pause before the reaction. It is the quiet understanding that beneath the surface turbulence, there lies a deep, unwavering stillness.

    The pain, the heartbreak, the sense of betrayal – these are real, and they demand to be felt. But they are not the totality of your being. They are temporary visitors, storms that rage and then subside, leaving behind a clearer sky. Beneath the pain, like a hidden spring, flows the pure, unadulterated essence of love and joy.

    To live by this is not a passive acceptance of suffering. It is an active practice of dis-identification. It’s the daily, sometimes hourly, reminder that you are not your thoughts, your emotions, your circumstances. You are the vast, silent awareness that holds them all.

    Imagine yourself as a clear, still pond. The thoughts and emotions are ripples on the surface, disturbing the calm. But the pond itself remains unchanged, deep and serene. The practice is to return to that stillness, to anchor yourself in the awareness that underlies the ever-changing surface.

    This is not a quick fix, nor a magic formula. It is a journey of self-discovery, a gradual unveiling of the truth that lies within. It’s a process of learning to recognize the mental noise for what it is – just noise – and to find the quiet strength that resides in the stillness beneath.

    With each moment of conscious awareness, with each breath taken in the present, you reclaim your power. You step out of the illusion of the mind and into the reality of your being. You discover that you are not defined by the pain, but by the love and joy that reside within, waiting to be rediscovered. You are the silent watcher, the stillness, the love, and the joy. And that, is your true enduring self.

  • My Biggest Toxic Trait

    “My biggest toxic trait is…I know how to love but I don’t know how to believe I’m loved.” The words, stark and honest, hit a nerve. It’s a confession, a raw admission of deep-seated vulnerability. It’s about the chasm between knowing how to give love and accepting it in return. It’s a painful paradox, a heart that overflows with affection yet struggles to receive it.

    This isn’t just about romantic love. It bleeds into every facet of connection – friendships, family, community. It’s the gnawing feeling that I’m on a periphery, always extending a hand while bracing for rejection. It’s the fear that if people truly knew me, the messy, imperfect me, the love would vanish like the morning mist.

    I know how to love. I love deeply, passionately, completely. I love with every fiber of my being, offering my heart freely, without reservation. I nurture connections, celebrate milestones, offer support, give gifts, express affection – the full repertoire of love languages flows effortlessly from me. It’s innate, a part of who I am.

    But believing I’m loved? That’s the battleground. That’s where the insecurities whisper their insidious lies. “You’re not worthy.” “You’re too much.” “They don’t really care.” The voices are relentless, eroding my self-worth, making me question the sincerity of every embrace, every compliment, every expression of affection.

    It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, this inability to accept love, I push people away, create distance, test their loyalty, all subconsciously, all driven by the fear of being hurt, of being proven right – that I’m not lovable. And in doing so, I create the very reality that I dread.

    It’s exhausting, this constant push and pull, this internal war between the heart that wants to connect and the mind that sabotages every opportunity. It’s a lonely existence, even surrounded by people who care. It’s like being on the outside looking in, watching love flow between others, wondering if I’ll every truly be a part of it.

    This quote, it’s a mirror reflecting my deepest fear – the fear of vulnerability, the fear of not being enough. It’s a call to self-awareness, a recognition of a toxic pattern that needs to be broken. It’s a reminder that healing begins with acknowledging the wound.

    Learning to believe I am loved is a journey, a long and arduous one. It requires dismantling the wall I have built around my heart, challenging the negative voices, and embracing vulnerability with open arms. It means accepting the love offered, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when a part of me whispers, “This can’t be real.”

    It’s about self-compassion, recognizing my worthiness, understanding that I am deserving of love, just as I am. It’s about rewriting the narrative, silencing the inner critic, and allowing myself to be loved, truly loved, without reservation or fear. It’s about finally believing that the love I so freely give can also be mine to receive. It’s about coming home to myself, accepting all the pieces, and finally understanding that I am enough. And in that acceptance, opening myself to the boundless possibilities of love.